I have been addicted to this book for two days. I couldn't read it fast enough and my regular life was getting in the way of reading, which as any avid reader knows is very frustrating. I even found that reading during commercials was not enough reading, so the TV was turned off for two days while I devoured this book. It's perfect for a beach bag or for a couple of days by the pool over the summer. Perfect!
The Comfort of Lies is the story of several characters: Tia, Nathan, Juliette, Caroline, Peter and Savannah/Honor. Their individual stories become very intertwined as the story evolves and by the end you can't remember where one story started and another ended. In fact the last two sentences of the book are: They were all connected. And in the oddest way, they had all become a family. So very true.
While you would not think that a book entitled The Comfort of Lies would be a reassuring story in any way, I feel oddly calm and at peace with my little life after having read this book. Tia, Juliette, and Caroline, the main female characters in this book, are all searching to find happiness in their lives. Perhaps part of the reason I feel the way I do about this book, and perhaps why I literally have spent every free moment over the past two days reading this book, is because I too, have been searching for happiness in my life recently. Life is so complicated sometimes and often what others see through the little window that we show the world isn't the whole story. I feel certain that my neighbors, who barely even know my name (and most don't at all), see The Whitt's not as we are (in constant motion and hardly crossing paths) but as a typical family of four who happen to keep their yard neat and who change their garden flags with the seasons. The truth is, life is hard, and we often keep this to ourselves. It is so reassuring to know that other women grapple with happiness, too.
Last year, I quit my full-time teaching job after 19 years. I thought it would be easy to walk away from this work--the demanding parents, the absurd amount of paperwork, the amount of work I did beyond the school day, trying to juggle school and home. It all seemed to make sense. I'd stop teaching and focus on my family. I'd do the errands during the school week so that Rob and I wouldn't have to juggle them on the weekends. Weekends could be for relaxing and for spending time as a family. I'd get the laundry done and the house cleaned and life would be good. Except it didn't really turn out that way. I ended up taking a part time teaching job to regain the sanity I had lost in little spurts while spending each and every day over the summer cleaning a house that I wasn't even sure that I liked (we moved in July) now that it was ours. All of those weekends dedicated to family time never happened because my teenage girls had friends they would rather hang out with and Rob was either traveling or trying to relax by playing golf or just sitting on the sofa decompressing. Nothing really worked like we thought it would. I found myself alone. The girls had a life, Rob worked around the clock, and I was alone. And very unhappy.
And I felt guilty. Guilty beyond words. Millions of wives/mothers would kill for the chance to not work, or even to work part-time so that they could take care of their families. What was wrong with me that this wasn't enough? Why did the praise of those demanding parents and the notes and pictures from classrooms full of five year olds matter more to me than the love of my husband and girls? Simply put, because those demanding parents and sweet children told me that I mattered. My family just assumed that I did what I did because I liked it and never needed to thank me, or tell me that what I was doing was important. Honestly, it was no fun getting used to what I now term "The New Normal." But I think, after almost 10 months of living it, I can say that I am beginning to see the beauty in this new life. I am beginning to see what a privilege it is to take care of my family, to make them my true #1 priority, not a close second to school and schoolwork. It makes me happy, finally, to do this work. And I am looking forward to doing this new work for a long time to come.
As a result of this personal reflection, I totally understand and empathize with Caroline as she struggles to enjoy motherhood. I get her guilt. And I understand the feelings of Juliette and Tia, too, as they struggle to find happiness in their lives. Why is it that we, as women, can't be happy with the things that would have made June Cleaver or Samantha Stevens fall over with happiness? Did the feminist movement ruin motherhood and being a wife for all modern women? I think the truth is, you have to do what feels right for you what is right for your family and you have to be strong enough to stand up for your right to be and do those things. Juliette did. Caroline did. Tia did (although my heart broke for Bobby, who loved her so much and just wanted to make her happy). And so did I. I have finally found peace and comfort in my own home. I know the direction my life will take over the next few years as Rob, officially today the new Controller for Markel Corp, works at a job that I am more than happy to support him in and as the girls prepare to leave for college (sniff, sniff). I am glad that I have been given the chance to spend these precious few years left with my girls and will be forever grateful to my extremely hard working husband who has provided so well for us that we can afford for me to never work full-time ever again. This is a rare gift, indeed, and I will no longer see it as a curse, but as a blessing. Because that's what my life is: a blessing.
The Comfort of Lies will, in a nerve-wracking way, make those who are married terrified that one day their marriage will crumble, and will cause those who are not married to wish they were. The marriages described in this novel are not perfect, not by any means, yet the partners love each other so fully and so completely, that with every page I read, I was reminded of why I married Rob in the first place (what a great thing for a book to do--remind us why we love and want to be loved in return). Then, I read these words:
Without him, her stability was missing. Friends described feeling that way after their parents died, but Juliette never found comfort or constancy with her mother or father. Only with Nathan had she found an emotional home.
Only with Rob had I found an emotional home. And God bless him, I often am emotional at the exact moment he wants to sleep, or play golf, or go to out of town. But he is my stability. He keeps me grounded and keeps me calm. He is truly my better half and I can not imagine living a single day as anything but his wife. I will always believe in my heart and in my mind that my Dad sent Rob to me--that my life happened the way that it did so that I would end up meeting Rob and falling in love. Not at first, but eventually....deeply, and completely. He saved me. He truly saved me. And, because he is my stability, my rock, the one I depend on completely, when he travels and is away from home, I often can't function as I do when he is at home. I forget my strength when he is gone and I crumble. I see now that this is part of the unhappiness I felt this year. I am not happy when Rob isn't home. But, I am going to have to learn, because with his new job he will be away from home now more than ever. I think I will search for strength in knowing that he wants me to do this new work and that the girls need me to do this new work. I will be strong for my family and I will rejoice in the times when we are all together. As all good mothers do, we do what we have to do for our family. Caroline did. Juliette did. Tia did. And so will I.
Read this one. It's amazing. Truly amazing. Top Ten amazing.
Happy reading everyone!
:) Dodie
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