#2: The Paris Wife by Paula McLain

My high school English teachers will find it funny that I read this book, The Paris Wife, a fictional account of the first love and marriage of Ernest Hemingway, an author that I could've lived without in high school.  Perhaps had I been able to read this book first, I would've been able to muddle my way through his fiction with a bit more tolerance. 


The Paris Wife is brilliant.  Truly a marvelous work.  One that had me wanting to re-read A Farewell to Arms and The Sun Also Rises (but NOT The Old Man and the Sea, ugh...) and had me thinking about and reflecting upon my role as mother and wife.  Now, that's a compelling novel, don't you think?


While I really have no plans to re-read those books, I do find myself thinking a lot about Hadley Richardson Hemingway and her evolution as a woman in this novel.  While the book is about Hemingway, it is clearly more about Hadley, Hemingway's Paris wife.  I googled Hemingway about 100 pages into the book, Hadley, too, in order to help me decipher fact from fiction.  Hadley was Hemingway's first of four wives, but she was the one who made him Hemingway.  She helped him rise above and get his career launched.  She sacrificed everything in the process, except Motherhood.  He thanked her by leaving her for another woman.  Nice.


The story is detailed and every word is so precious that I found myself not reading as fast as I typically do.  It was a slower-paced story, but never boring.  It was calming and soothing and I found myself wanting to leave my work and work only towards the raising of my family and the supporting of my husband in his work.  Hadley found it to be quite satisfying, in most cases, why shouldn't I, as well?  Again, I re-iterate how compelling this book was for me.  It had me re-thinking my goals as wife, mother, and woman. 


At the very end of the book, there are book club questions and one in particular made me stop and think:

In many ways, Hadley is a very different person at the end of the novel than the girl she was when she first encountered Ernest by chance at a party.  How do you understand her trajectory and transformation? Are there any ways she essentially doesn't change?


Wow.  What a question.  But one that I'd like to answer here.  I understand her transformation because I, like Hadley, married in my twenties, and was a wife before I was a woman.  I was married at 22, before finishing college (which I did the following spring) and before I began teaching.  I was so excited to be married and to be someone's wife and partner, I didn't really care much about me.  Honestly.  It was more important to me to be a part of something than for me to exist individually.  I think Hadley was the same way.  She loved Ernest so very much that she just wanted to be with him.  It didn't matter where they were or what they were doing, just that they were together.  But then, they moved to Paris and she was alone.  She had to find her place in the world.  She didn't work, she didn't even cook or clean their tiny apartment.  She existed to support Ernest, to be his guide, his rock, and to talk him through life when he needed her guidance.  He loved her very much for being so supportive and wise.  But in the end, that wasn't enough for him. Now, I, unlike Hadley, worked.  It was a different time, after all.  I taught school for five years before  Rob and I began a family and during that time, I found my place in the world.  I was a wife, but I was also a teacher.  I worked teaching little ones to read and write.  I loved my work--it helped define me.  It gave me a purpose.  It gave me something to focus on while Rob was busy doing his job.  He had a purpose and, now, so did I.  I think for Hadley, having her son helped to give her purpose.  Hadley raised Bumby by herself, with the help of their cook/maid.  Hemingway had no time for his son.  He was too focused on his writing.  Hadley and Ernest were only married about five years, so in the time it took me to establish a career and have a baby, Hadley and Ernest had been married, had a son, and had already separated.  She, like so many young wives, took her job of supporting her husband very seriously.  She thought little about herself and what would make her happy and focused instead on her husband.  And, while she was so busy loving Ernest, he found someone else, someone knew, to love.  I can only imagine her heartbreak. 


So, back to the question...I can understand her transformation because what woman, in 1920 or in 2014, doesn't change over the course of their marriage?  I understand Hadley's transformation because I feel that she grew up while being married, just like me.  I think a lot of women find themselves over the course of their marriage, whether it be 5 years or 50 years.  We all grow up; we have to.  We discover what's important and what's not and we can only hope that our marriage lasts or that we can find our place outside of it if it doesn't. 


Hadley's love for Ernest never changes.  But, because she was not willing to share Ernest, her marriage ended.  Even when they separate, she clearly still loves and respects the man who broke her heart and wants him to have what he needs to be happy in life.  She knows she couldn't have been all that he needed, but she also knows what she wants, and what she always wanted, and works to find that after separating from Hemingway.   Her love for her son never waivers and it's this goodness, this strength of character, that makes you love Hadley, and makes you feel so proud of her choices and actions throughout the entire novel. 


At the end of the novel, Hadley acknowledges that she was the first wife, The Paris Wife, and that three more wives followed, all trying to give Ernest what he wanted and trying to be the perfect wife for him.  Reading this made me sad, and a bit panicked.  What wife doesn't fear being the one who was not good enough, supportive enough, or attractive enough to hold the interest of her husband?  Of being the "First Wife," the one who supports and builds a family and then gets left behind.  Hadley took comfort in knowing that it wasn't her, that Ernest just wasn't able to find anyone who could hold his attention forever.   I'll be honest, I get scared of becoming the First Wife.  I can only hope that it never happens. 


I have to admit that I finished The Paris Wife several days ago, in December.  Technically, this is a 2013 read.  But, because of the day to day demands of life, I haven't been able to blog until today and I am glad for that.  The Paris Wife will be at the top of my top ten list for 2014, rather than #15 of the 2013 list.  It deserves a place at the top. 


The Paris Wife is amazing.  Read it. 


Happy reading, everyone!

:) Dodie