#55: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

I have very mixed emotions, although strong in both directions, about this book. 

On the one hand, I spent 180 pages being completely and totally confused about what was actually taking place.  I couldn't keep up with the characters, I had no idea what any of them, except Oskar, was doing, and felt certain that it was my age and lack of genious level intelligence that was keeping me in the dark.  In addition, the stream of continuous dialogue made my head ache as I tried to follow along and figure out who was really saying what.  Bottom line, I spend 180 pages feeling like a total idiot who was not smart enough to read this book.

Turn to page 181, everything changed, and the tears started flowing.  All of the pieces of the story connected for me (FINALLY) and the story came together.  In that moment, as I was calling for one of my girls to find my tissues, I could feel Oskar's pain and it overwhelmed me.  I knew going into this book that it was about 9/11 and a boy who lost his father on that terrible day.  I knew that it was going to be sad, but I felt like I could distance myself from it.  I am a bad judge of my own character. 

I might be able to distance myself from some of the events if 9/11. I wasn't in NY that day, I didn't know anyone in NY that day, my family was safe and sound, and I just prayed that we would prevail on September 12.  But as I read this book, what I couldn't distance myself from was Oskar's search for his dad.  In one quick moment, I was 13 again.  The year I discovered how my father really died.  A friend connected the dots for me and we were able to piece together the entire story (it was my version of Oskar's key and the Renter) and I have never been the same.  I remember spending my teenage years searching for clues--what did he like to eat, what was his favorite color, who were his friends in High School--and praying that there was someone who could tell me something new about him.  Just like Oskar, I searched.  When the memories of this came back, I couldn't breathe.  Sobbing to the point of not being able to talk (and won't my husband feel badly now about laughing at his wife who always cries over books) I plugged on and finished Oskar's story.  I knew I had to see where his search took him.  I knew where mine had led. 

But it wasn't just Oskar's story that I was reading, it was his mother's story, and his grandfather's story, and his grandmother's story.  And, it was about all of the people he met along the way while he searched.  They were all connected.  They were all a piece of each other's story. 

Yes, this novel is about 9/11, but it's about so much more.  For me, it was a reminder that even though I grew up without a dad, that even though I am still missing pieces of his life puzzle, I am part of him and he is part of me.  For one short year, we were a part of each other's lives.  I was too young to have memories of what he looked like, I have to rely on pictures.  I was too young to know his personality and I rely on others to tell me stories of what he was like.  I will never really know what he was like.  I will never really know what happened in his mind the day he died.  I will never really know anything for certain.  But, like Oskar, when the searching was over, I was OK.  My mom was OK, my family was OK, and we came to peace with it all and we all moved on.  We don't forget, but we aren't crippled by the sadness anymore. 

I do know that I can't possibly see this movie when it comes out.  I will need to wait until it comes out on DVD and I can watch it in my own home.  I know I am going to cry and I know that it's not going to be pretty, so why subject strangers to my drama?  For those of you brave enough to venture out, let me know how you like the movie.  Personally, I really liked the book (after page 180, that is!). 

Happy reading!