#24 Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James

During spring break, a neighbor of mine asked if I had read, or had heard about, Fifty Shades of Grey, claiming that it was the newest book that people were raving about.  I had not heard about it, and told her so, but looked it up on my Nook, read the summary, and bookmarked it.  After my neighborly discussion, I knew I was about to read an adult book (and after a quick chat in the orthodontist’s office where the lady next to me was reading the third book in the series and called it “Mommy porn” I was sure of it) but I figured that if I can live through reading Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales for an entire semester in college, I can read anything.  TCT is about the most sexual piece of literature I have ever read (who would’ve thought, right?).  Well…until now. 

 On Tuesday of this past week, EL James (a woman, BTW) was interviewed on The Today Show.  I can’t tell you enough how valuable watching this segment was to my overall experience of reading this book.  The gist of the interview is this: the book details every fantasy she has ever conjured in her head, Christian is a guy that looks good on paper but doesn’t look good in real life, and James herself is shaking her heads at the women everywhere who are reading this book and going crazy over it.  She was laughing at the success of the books and was literally laughing at the interviewer who was asking deep, meaningful questions about Christian—what made him this way, can he really love, etc…  I get the feeling that this trilogy is supposed to be about sex, plain and simple.  And yet, we can’t help but make a huge mountain out of a molehill.  Myself included. 

I guess once you have spent 5 + years reading literature and analyzing it and pulling it apart for themes and characterization, you can’t help but do it with everything else you read, too.  I found myself jotting down notes about Christian and Ana, even Kate, while I was reading.  Rob laughed at me when he caught me doing this, asking if I could ever just read a book for enjoyment, knowing that if ever there was such a book Fifty Shades of Grey was it.  But I couldn’t.  I found myself wanting to know what made Christian tick and what made Ana ever think that she could change him.  Now that I have finished reading the book, I have been feeling an intense sense of loss for Ana.  So much that it makes me wonder if I am getting too connected to this characters that I am reading about.  They are not real, and yet they are so real to me as I am reading about them and living life through them.  Seriously, once an English nerd, always an English nerd. 

Anyway, since I am not into spoiling books for people, I will keep my blog about the big picture of this book for me and not about plot.  So, here goes…

1. I think it’s funny that Christian’s last name is Grey, as that’s exactly what he is.  There are so many layers to him, he’s like an onion.  He’d like for us to think that he’s black and white, that seems to be how he conducts his business, but he’s grey—fifty shades of it in fact. Now, Kate—she’s a black and white kind of girl.  I like her.  She started this entire story, after all.
2. I now want to read Tess of the D’Urbervilles.  Once I finish this trilogy, it will be the next book I read. 
3. Women are emotional creatures full of love and we need to accept that’s who we are and embrace it.  We love with our entire hearts and can’t seem to separate sex from love.  It’s probably the reason men love us so much, but it’s something Ana seems to not have a very good grasp of.  Perhaps it is due to her overall inexperience with men, but it’s something I’ve thought about a lot as I read this book.  As much as we (ie-women) would like to think that we could just have a sexual relationship with a man, I think it would be very hard to execute.  I see this book as being so wildly popular because it allows women to read about something that is completely foreign to them—a relationship that is completely physical and not emotional.  Just as EL James herself said, Christian looks good on paper but is not good in real life.  I’d go a step further—not only is he not good in real life, he’s just not realistic in real life.  Most women want it all—husband, kids, a career—where do you find time to squeeze in all of those things when you are busy in the Play Room?  It’s just not realistic. Fun to think about?  Yes.  Realistic?  No way.
4.  This leads to my next question which is, can sex substitute for love? On page 472 of the text, Ava admits that the sex is a “distraction from the real issue.”  Sadly, we are just never quite sure what that real issue is or why Christian behaves as he does, but it’s quite clear that he behaves as he does for a reason (and I sure hope that the second books clears this all up).  Can this crazy physical relationship that he has with Ana be a substitute for love?  Is it good enough for him?  Will it satiate Ana?  Will it every really be enough? 
5. Christian agrees to try “more” for Ana, but will he ever be capable of “more?”  Can women really change men? Hmm…things to think about.

So, I’d like to finish up with a story (that could very well spoil the ending so read with caution).  When I finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey during lunch today, I walked away from the book with a knot in my stomach.  I ached for Ana because I know her pain.  I know how it feels to walk away from someone you love, someone you care so deeply for, because you know deep down that that person will never be what you really need them to be (not want them to be, but NEED them to be--there is a difference).  That pain never really goes away.  You second-guess your decision every day, even years, decades later.  Your first love is unforgettable, that’s for certain.  I doubt Ana will ever forget hers.  I have never forgotten mine.

On to book two…Fifty Shades Darker.  Oh my...

Happy Reading!
J Dodie

#23 Forever by Maggie Stiefvater

When I was in middle school (I think it was middle school, it may even have been late elementary school) I discovered a set of books where you could choose what happened.  They were so cool...you read a set number of pages and at the end if you wanted A to happen you turned to page such and such, but if you wanted B to happen, you turned to a different set of pages.  I remember reading the books first the way I wanted them to turn out, and then going back and reading it the other way.  (Mathematically speaking, there were clearly more than two potential stories, but you get the idea).  The reason I thought back to these books is because I wish there had been a choose your own ending version of  Forever.  Much like the final book of The Hunger Games, I was disappointed in Forever.  Much like final book of The Hunger Games, I felt compelled to read the last book to see how the trilogy turned out.  So, I read it.  But it wasn't my favorite of the three (just like The Hunger Games)

I don't want to ruin this series for anyone, especially my neighbor who reserved the first two books at the library after reading my posts about the first two, so I am not going to even hit the highlights of the plot of Forever.  I will say this, though...Forever is the most action packed of the three books.  It was truly a page turner.  Just when you thought the conflist was resolved, someone came along and changed everything.  For that reason, I liked the book.  I liked it for other reasons, too.  Sam and Grace and Isabel and Cole...well, they just warm your heart.  I loved seeing Cole's character develop even further--I really liked him by the end of the book.  And, reading Forever truly was necessary.  You can't just stop reading a trilogy after book two.  You are compelled to read to completion.  Or, atleast I was. 

So, here it is...what I didn't like was how abruptly Forever ended. There are so many questions that I have that were left unanswered.  An epilogue would've been nice, just so I knew what had really happened, but I guess maybe even Maggie doesn't know how it all turned out.  Maybe it was intentional so that we could imagine in our own minds how the story ended, or perhaps continued, if you want to look at it in a more positive light.  Regardless, I need to know more and feel a bit deflated by the ending.  The sad part is that I can't even tell you want I think happened because it would ruin the book for my friends who have yet to read it.  UGH!!! 

I guess the bottom line is this: when you begin a trilogy, you need to be in it to finish it.  I read the entire series because the book propels you in that direction.  I would've been more frustrated had I not read it at all.  I would've always wondered how things had turned out.  While I know more now than if I hadn't read Forever, I certainly don't know enough to satisfy my curiosity.  But, I guess that's the beauty of a book that is ambiguous at the end...you can make it what you want.  So for any of you out there who are going to read this series, when you finish Forever, call me.  I want to know what you think happened. 

Happy Reading!
:) Dodie

My reaction to the film version of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

In case you didn't get to read this, this was the blog post I wrote last year, back in October, after reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close...

I have very mixed emotions, although strong in both directions, about this book.

On the one hand, I spent 180 pages being completely and totally confused about what was actually taking place. I couldn't keep up with the characters, I had no idea what any of them, except Oskar, was doing, and felt certain that it was my age and lack of genious level intelligence that was keeping me in the dark. In addition, the stream of continuous dialogue made my head ache as I tried to follow along and figure out who was really saying what. Bottom line, I spend 180 pages feeling like a total idiot who was not smart enough to read this book.

Turn to page 181, everything changed, and the tears started flowing. All of the pieces of the story connected for me (FINALLY) and the story came together. In that moment, as I was calling for one of my girls to find my tissues, I could feel Oskar's pain and it overwhelmed me. I knew going into this book that it was about 9/11 and a boy who lost his father on that terrible day. I knew that it was going to be sad, but I felt like I could distance myself from it. I am a bad judge of my own character.

I might be able to distance myself from some of the events if 9/11. I wasn't in NY that day, I didn't know anyone in NY that day, my family was safe and sound, and I just prayed that we would prevail on September 12. But as I read this book, what I couldn't distance myself from was Oskar's search for his dad. In one quick moment, I was 13 again. The year I discovered how my father really died. A friend connected the dots for me and we were able to piece together the entire story (it was my version of Oskar's key and the Renter) and I have never been the same. I remember spending my teenage years searching for clues--what did he like to eat, what was his favorite color, who were his friends in High School--and praying that there was someone who could tell me something new about him. Just like Oskar, I searched. When the memories of this came back, I couldn't breathe. Sobbing to the point of not being able to talk (and won't my husband feel badly now about laughing at his wife who always cries over books) I plugged on and finished Oskar's story. I knew I had to see where his search took him. I knew where mine had led.

But it wasn't just Oskar's story that I was reading, it was his mother's story, and his grandfather's story, and his grandmother's story. And, it was about all of the people he met along the way while he searched. They were all connected. They were all a piece of each other's story.

Yes, this novel is about 9/11, but it's about so much more. For me, it was a reminder that even though I grew up without a dad, that even though I am still missing pieces of his life puzzle, I am part of him and he is part of me. For one short year, we were a part of each other's lives. I was too young to have memories of what he looked like, I have to rely on pictures. I was too young to know his personality and I rely on others to tell me stories of what he was like. I will never really know what he was like. I will never really know what happened in his mind the day he died. I will never really know anything for certain. But, like Oskar, when the searching was over, I was OK. My mom was OK, my family was OK, and we came to peace with it all and we all moved on. We don't forget, but we aren't crippled by the sadness anymore.
I do know that I can't possibly see this movie when it comes out. I will need to wait until it comes out on DVD and I can watch it in my own home. I know I am going to cry and I know that it's not going to be pretty, so why subject strangers to my drama? For those of you brave enough to venture out, let me know how you like the movie. Personally, I really liked the book (after page 180, that is!).


Yesterday, I watched the movie with my friend, Meghan, who may/may not have read this blog post last year and may not have realized what she was getting into when she headed up to our third floor to watch this movie yesterday.  Thanks for being a good friend, Meghan! 

Luckily, I had some insight into the plot and could follow the movie way better than I was ever able to follow the book.  It still flashed back and forth, which was at times confusing even within the movie.  I was even able to watch until the very end without crying.  But when Oskar took the key back to Abby Black and she took him to her ex-husband, the tears began to flow.  And they are flowing again as I type these words.  I have just never read a book, or watched a movie, that literally brings me to my knees every time when I think about the pain that Oskar or his mom or that Mr. Black felt.  Because when I think about their pain, I remember my own.  I knew I was going to cry and I was right.  I think the only thing that kept me from falling completely apart was that I was sitting in a room with a friend, who happens to be Emily's teacher, and I really didn't want to totally freak her out.  :) 

Yes, this blog post is totally self-indulgent.  But, writing has always helped me sort through things.  I did not talk to Meghan about this yesterday, and I did not talk to Rob about it either.  I saved it all up for today...to sort out and to post.  The thing is, there are people in my life who have heard this same story for YEARS and they are probably tired of it.  But I think that just speaks to the breadth of sadness...you can keep going, but you never forget and there are times when it all comes flooding back and you have to give in, to cry, to think about it, to talk about it (at least I do) and then you can move on again until the next reminder.  That just about sums up the past 27 years of my life. 

The part of the movie that I loved the most, and it's a part that surpasses the same scene in the book, in my opinion, is the end, after Oskar has talked to Mr. Black and has realized that the key was never intended for him.  It was never a clue at all, but was accidentally left inside the vase Oskar's dad bought for his mom.  Oskar goes home and there sits his mother, who tells him that she had known all along about his plan and had gone to talk to each person on his list herself, explaining what Oskar was up to and asking if each person would help him in his search.  She did it to protect him, to keep him safe in an unsafe city.  The flashbacks to the hugger, the girls grooming the horses, and all of the other people along the way who talked with Oskar made me so hopeful and I think that's the real reason why I was crying.  I think people are generally good, especially in times of crisis, and especially in reaction to 9/11.  They seemed to truly want to help, even if they couldn't, and their hearts seemed to break for this little boy who was searching for clues to help him know his dad just a little bit better.  Now, if that goodness and kindness could extend beyond times of crisis, our world would be a better place.

But I was also crying because I remember how kind people have been to me over the years as I searched for clues about my dad, or asked for stories, or for anything that would help me to understand and their kindess and strength overwhelmed me.  Or, how my friends from middle and high school would just let me talk it out, or cry it out, never trying to fix things but just listening, probably because no one really knew what to say.  But, like Oskar, who was trying to hang on to those last 8 minutes, my 8 minutes are beginning to fade, too.  I have an entire scrapbook that I made several years ago that helps, and messages like the one I got from my cousin after I blogging last year help, too.  I'm stretching those 8 minutes as far as I can get them.  Unlike Oskar, I have never written a personal letter to each and every person who told me a story about my dad, or helped me learn to know him.  I like the idea, the personal touch, but wonder where Oskar found the time to write to over 200 people?  I would like to think, though, that all of the people in my life who have listened, held me as I cried, or shared a picture or a really great story, know how much I appreciate their contribution to the picture of my dad that I carry in my head and in my heart every day.  If it weren't for these people, some relatives, some friends, my 8 minutes would've faded long ago. 

For you, and for him, I am forever grateful.

#22 Blue-Eyed Devil

You know how people say that you can't judge a book by it's cover?  Well, I was seriously hoping whoever said that was wrong when I picked up and bought Blue-Eyed Devil.  The front cover is 80% teal blue with the author's name and the book's title covering that space.  Then, in that last 20% at the bottom is a man wearing jeans and no shirt walking down a dirt road that is flanked by dry yellow and brown fields.  When I bought it, I was seriously hoping for a spring break night table book.  That's what it looks like from the cover.  But, that's not at all what I got. 
The back cover lets you know that the man is Hardy Cates (what a name) and he is an oil man from Texas (OK--now I am hooked, if I wasn't already).  He's a self-made millionaire (really hooked) from the wrong side of the tracks.  His co-lead in this story is the beautiful Haven, a woman who knows what she wants, but what she wants is typically the exact opposite of what her family--including her 3 older brothers--wants for her.  She doesn't want Hardy, she wants Nick, who, honestly, I liked at first.  But once they get married, things suddenly turn very wrong. 

The book I thought was going to be a light read, turned into one very heavy story.  It explores Narcissistic Personality Disorder in two different characters (you will have to read to find out who they are) and it turns what I thought was going to be a steamy romance between Hardy and Haven, into something completely different.  With that said, it really was a page turner and an easy read (keep some tissues closeby, though).  I read a little more than 100  pages in the car last night in right around an hour and a half  and then finished the rest this morning (328 total).  Again, I felt compelled to find out how the story resolved itself and the rest of my life stopped until the book was finished.  It ends up being a complicated story that somehow touches upon lots of issues: family dynamics, NPD, rich vs poor, the oil industry and conservation, work place politics, babies, and even a flood.  Phew--I get tired just thinking about how packed this books was.  And silly me thought it was just a romance novel.  Ha!  The joke is on me. 

For those friends who follow this blog to get ideas for spring break and summer books, this is a good one for your beach bag.  It's quick, action packed, and just a good story that ends up turning out exactly as you hoped it would, but with enough twists and turns along the way to keep you wondering if it ever will.  Read it.  You won't be sorry!

Happy Reading!
:) Dodie

#21 Linger by Maggie Stiefvater

We all know that I couldn't resist the sequel and downloaded Linger before I ever even hit "Publish Post" to post my blog about Shiver.  I guess the good news for me is that Richard Paul Evans' book was delayed and will not be out until May.  So, I guess I made a good decision.
I just re-read by post about Shiver and while I still think it was spot-on, the pace of Linger is a bit more action packed, for those of you who don't want to be bored when you read. Honestly, I couldn't put it down and was a little bummed by my decision to buy an iPhone right after downloading this new book.  Until Saturday, I had done ZERO reading.  I have become hooked on Words with Friends and have been playing non-stop.  It's hard to read when you hear a "ping" every five seconds. But, on my way to my inlaws (between rounds of Words with Friends), I read Linger for 4 hours.  Then, I finished it on the way home yesterday.  I am sure that as soon as I finish this blog post and the one after it (yes, I read another book yesterday and this morning), Forever will be downloaded to my Nook. I am dying to know how this story resolves itself. 

I loved Linger every bit as much as I loved Shiver, perhaps even more.  In Linger, the love between Sam and Grace continues, with an interesting twist, but we also get to meet some amazing new characters, who, instead of being bitten, have intentionally chosen the life of a werewolf .  As a result, these characters have introduced some new themes and ideas to the series.  Now, instead of lovers pulled apart by a life they didn't ask for--which clearly tugs on your heartstrings, we meet Victor and Cole, who are so upset by their different realities, that they willingly accept the life of a wolf and are hoping to shift and never return to their human form again (a variation of suicide).  Their stories spill out over the course of the book and are heart wrenching.  If you didn't feel sympathy for Sam and Grace, you will for Victor and Cole.  Isabel and Rachel, who we met in Shiver, are back, but their characters are more heavily developed and I feel like after reading Linger, I know them much better.  In addition to Cole and Victor's stories, the reality of Grace's relationship with her parents is explored in depth and it, too, is a heart wrenching story.  The bottom line, I guess, is that all of the teens in this book are dealing with issues and relationships that most average teenagers deal with (except maybe Cole), but when you throw the werewolf issue in as well, this becomes no ordinary story.  And is it ever a good one.

As with Shiver, Linger left me wondering if I had just read what I had just read.  The story takes an unexpected twist right at the very end and I can't wait to see how Stiefvater irons this all out.

Happy Reading,
:) Dodie